UMTANUM, Wash. — Local single man Cameron Barrett admitted today that he’s been patiently waiting for his high school crush to get divorced so he…
OLATHE, Kan. — Liz Barret, your close lifelong friend and one of the only people whose opinion actually matters to you, skimmed through a few…
WASHINGTON — Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh tried to create a new judicial nomination process yesterday, in which Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s successor will be whoever…
ATLANTA — A team of male researchers reportedly discovered the cure for COVID-19 yesterday, mere seconds after a correlation between the disease and erectile dysfunction…
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk announced today that his startup Neuralink will be able to outfit humans with a brain chip that will come preloaded…
MILWAUKEE — Milwaukee Chief of Police Roger Brooks held a department-wide meeting today to remind his officers not to wear their white hoods after Labor…
OYSTER BAY, N.Y. — Legendary singer/songwriter Billy Joel’s classic song “Piano Man” was originally crafted to be a pitch for a “Mega Man 2” character,…
ABINGDON, Oxfordshire, U.K. — Experimental rock band Radiohead revealed today that their seminal album “Kid A” actually stands for “Kid Antebellum,” deciding for some reason…
LOS ANGELES — Clothing brand JNCO released a line of protective face masks yesterday that effectively cover the wearer’s entire body, matching the label’s trademark…
Joe Rogan is in danger of being canceled and we cannot let this happen. Canceling a voice like Joe Rogan’s is a slippery slope to…
Look, this is pure physics. Are you going to argue with the laws of physics? Once you’re on the mattress, you can’t tell it’s on…
DUNMORE, Pa. — Local man Cameron Waters is in his sixth consecutive hour of sifting through various GIFs from “The Office,” searching for the perfect…
NEWINGTON, Conn. — Diligently safety-conscious man James Sadler is staying vigilant about social distancing practices, unless his recent Tinder match is interested in going over…
LOS ANGELES — As the promise of “six seasons and a movie” finally comes to fruition, producers of the upcoming “Community” feature film vowed today…
As the old adage goes, ACAB: All Cop movies Are Bad Yeah, I said it. If we ever want to have another Police Academy movie,…