All I’ve heard my entire life is that alcohol is bad for my body, it’s destroying my insides, it’s gonna send me to an early…
TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local goth office worker Todd Schmidt admitted privately that he is secretly craving a slice of the delicious Funfetti birthday cake that’s…
Man, I wish these students knew how cool I used to be! It’s no secret that they don’t give two shits about me or this…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local punk Johnny ‘Blades’ McPhee expressed dread this week after being forced to choose between which one of his beloved shoulder rats…
TORONTO — Concert goers were left baffled last night when drummer Gareth McGibbons of mathcore band Hyde Index burst into flames during the band’s second…
At ease, soldier! Just kidding, I know you’re not in the military. Don’t tell anyone but neither am I. But it’s authentic-sounding phrases like that,…