Dan Rice, Author at HARDTIMES

Thanks a Lot 2022: I’m Being Arrested for Getting Drunk and Beating the Fuck Out of Someone at Best Buy

January 14, 2022

Well it looks like time is back on it’s bullshit, and it's going full beastmode on my ass! Here we…

The Next Henry Rollins? This Refrigerator Covered in Magnet Poetry Just Folded It’s Arms

January 11, 2022

In the pantheon of Hardcore elder statesmen, Henry Rollins reigns supreme. As a frontman, actor, speaker, director, radio host, and…

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Unprecedented Political Genius: My Mom Thinks Everyone Should Just Get Along

January 10, 2022

There’s no denying that we live in a time of conflict. At no point in living memory has this country's…

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These 6 Words Could Be Sabotaging You at Job Interviews, but They’re Pretty Obvious, Like the First One Is “Fuckpie”

January 9, 2022

When it comes to getting hired, being the best candidate on paper is only half the battle. There is a…

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We Ranked a Bunch of IPAs Because We Needed a Personality and It Was This or Car Guy

January 6, 2022

Having hobbies and interests is an important part of blending into society, but finding out what your passion is, as…

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Supportive Friend Tells Emo Band “It Looked Like You Guys Weren’t Having Fun Up There”

December 14, 2021

HOBOKEN, N.J. — The members of local emo band Featherhoof were reportedly overwhelmed with gratitude when longtime fan and friend…

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We Sat Down With a Bottle of Whiskey To Ask “What’s the Fucking Point of It All?”

December 13, 2021

Interviewing musicians can be insightful, but some questions can only be answered by the bottom of a bottle. We caught…

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Quiz: Which “Succession” Character Are You, You Horribly Irredeemable Monster?

December 10, 2021

“Succession,” Jesse Armstrong’s captivating drama about a Rupert Murdoch-esque tycoon and his backstabbing family, is arguably HBO's most widely watched…

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“Oh What’s This?!” Exclaims Mom Reaching into Cooler Who Knows Damned Well it’s Hard Seltzer

December 10, 2021

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local mother Meredith Ashby displayed a performative expression of surprise and intrigue at a neighborhood cookout yesterday…

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Help! It’s Well Into December and I Forgot How to Nut!

December 10, 2021

Look, I’m desperate and I don’t care how embarrassing this is anymore. This year I decided to participate in the…

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