Every Pissed Jeans Album Ranked Worst to Best August 17, 2023 With a name like Pissed Jeans, the uninitiated might assume they'd be more akin to GG Allin than say, METZ.… Read More →
Punk House at Impasse as No One Can Agree What Constitutes “Garbage” August 16, 2023 OAKLAND, Calif. — Tenants of a local punk house are locked in a bitter discourse of what actually constitutes garbage,… Read More →
Millennials to Honor Paul Reubens by Watching “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” for the 200th Time July 31, 2023 GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local 39-year-old Perry Lawson is one of the many millennials across the globe honoring the death of… Read More →
Report: Finger Mustache Overtakes Swastika as Most Removed Tattoo July 14, 2023 MONTGOMERY, Ala. — A recent survey of tattoo enthusiasts found that the once-popular finger mustache tattoo surpassed the swastika as… Read More →
Opinion: Why Can’t You Have a Parasocial Relationship With a Nice Jewish Girl? July 3, 2023 Well, well, look who decided to finally call! Oh yes, I’m sure you’ve been very busy. Of course I’m being… Read More →
boygenius Tour on Hiatus After Julien Baker Goes on Arm Wrestling Streak at Truck Stop June 24, 2023 HAMEL, Ill. — Indie supergroup boygenius announced their North American tour is on hold after Julien Baker found herself in… Read More →
We Dive Into the History of the Summer Solstice Because We’re Trying To Impress This Cafe’s Hot Goth Barista June 21, 2023 The longest day of the year is upon us, and with it comes thousands of years of humanity observing it… Read More →
Rob Zombie Assures Carvana Rep that Dragula Worth More than $5,000 June 10, 2023 KENT, Conn. — Film director and musician Rob Zombie reportedly lost his temper with a representative of Carvana when he… Read More →
Straight Edge Guy at Bachelor Party Spends Entire Time Trying to Convince Stripper to Go Vegan June 3, 2023 LAS VEGAS — Lifelong straight edger Logan McGuire spent the majority of his future brother-in-law’s bachelor party convincing the stripper… Read More →
The Smiths’ 10 Best Songs Which Unfortunately Still Feature Morrissey on Vocals May 30, 2023 Nowadays, saying that you like the Smiths isn’t exactly an Earth-shattering opinion (unless you’re Joseph Gordon Levitt in “500 Days… Read More →