Pitbull Only Member of Punk House Who Hasn’t Bitten Someone
PORTLAND, Ore. — Current occupants of notorious punk house Shitshow Chateau revealed that their resident pitbull Hammer is the only…
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Ben Friedman — Page 22
350 stories found
Opinion: Uh, I Definitely Have a Girlfriend She Just Lives in Canada and is Emily Haines from Metric
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a solid 6 on a good day but looks aren't everything! I…
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Crowd Braces for a Long Night After Band Opens Set With Their Biggest Hit
CHICAGO — An uneasy crowd braced for a long night at a local club after once popular ‘90s alt rock…
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Man Out to Fancy Dinner with Girlfriend Stares Longingly at Dive Bar Across the Street
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Dan Stanford was accused of derailing date night at an upscale restaurant after he spent most…
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Punk’s LinkedIn Headshot Only Picture of Him Not Blackout Drunk
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local punk Trevor McGill was shocked but not surprised to find the only existing photo of…
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Trump Immigrant Rhetoric Polling Well Among Nextdoor Users
WATERLOO, Iowa — A recent independent poll found Donald Trump’s draconian immigrant policies were polling overwhelmingly positive among users of…
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Five Ways To Pass the Time While Waiting To Spin Your Chair Around and Surprise Your Nemesis
Congratulations, you’ve managed to sneak into your nemesis’ inner sanctum (or home office). Now all that’s left to do is…
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COP28 Ends with Agreement to Phase Out Fossil Fuels So Long as Oil Executives Get to Poison One Town a Year
DUBAI — The COP28 Climate Summit concluded with a landmark agreement to phase out fossil fuels under the condition that…
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Biden Promises Nation They’re Just One Military Base on Foreign Soil Away From World Peace
WASHINGTON — President Biden revealed that the United States reached a new milestone in global dominance and is just one…
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The Next Hunter S. Thompson? I Got My Ass Kicked by the Hells Angels
Would you rather be slaving away at a boring ass 9 to 5 job or unburdened by the shackles of…
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