My Name Is Tendonitis, and Now That Your Life Is Already Falling Apart, It’s My Time To Shine
Hey, there. If you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tendonitis, and now that your…
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Arielle Andreano
54 stories found
Pharmacists Recommend Having Three Months’ Worth of Meds From Other, Imaginary Pharmacy Where They Let You Do That
LOS ANGELES — Pharmacists in the state of California have made a sweeping recommendation to have three months’ worth of…
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Robert Plant Admits Hair Is Noodles
SHATTERFORD, England — Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant finally made a statement admitting that his hair is, in fact, noodles,…
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I’m Tired of Being Told I Don’t Pay Rent When I Provide Free Therapy to Four Losers with Underdeveloped Frontal Lobes — Guest Column by a House Cat
I’m the housecat in a two-bedroom shared by four 23-year-old numbskulls, and I’m here to tell my story. I am…
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The Next Dave Grohl? This Guy Was in a Band and Now He’s in Another One
Locals tuned into the music scene all have their eyes on one musician this week, and the question on everyone’s…
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Any Jackass Can Win by Doing What Their Constituents Want — Guest post by Chuck Schumer
Listen, all you little communist punks. I know it’s the hot new pastime to celebrate Socialism and make fun of…
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Help! My Therapist Claims There’s Not a Diagnostic Code for Repeatedly Listening to the Metallica Version of Whiskey in the Jar, So These Sessions Are Getting Really Expensive
Folks, am I ever in need of some serious help. I finally found the Holy Grail: an in-network therapist. And…
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How to Speedrun Your Panic Attack With Cold Brew and Old Weed
Alright, my panicked pals, LOCK IN because it’s time to learn a panic attack hack that your therapist and psychiatrist…
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Help! Andrew WK Told Me My Bloody Nose Pics Aren’t Metal Because I Dropped My iPad on My Face Reading a Cozy Mystery Ebook
Ever since I was a kid, I yearned for the effortless coolness of the I Get Wet album cover. Sure,…
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Inflation Impacting Food Baby Rates
HYATTSVILLE, Md. — Higher than ever inflation rates have reached a point where they are now markedly impacting food baby…
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