Page 3 – HARDTIMES

November 22, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Local gamer Aaron Hopper insisted that he “plays way better when he’s stoned” despite a complete lack…

November 10, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Your scheduled delivery time was delayed this afternoon when FedEx driver Shannon Hunter took your Xbox Series…

November 5, 2020

PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas…

October 26, 2020

ARLINGTON, Va. — Nestlé USA announced a lawsuit against the round astronomical body orbiting Earth, claiming the mass has no…

October 17, 2020

REALM OF DISDAIN — Shortly before losing a recent battle with an adventurer, local mid-level demon Ulgruuf the Unyielding reportedly…

October 14, 2020

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Citing production issues due to the coronavirus pandemic, Cisco Systems has delayed the long-awaited sequel to…

October 6, 2020

NEW YORK — Members of a local group chat insisted that they wouldn’t be going anywhere near that comment, preferring…

October 4, 2020

BOSTON — Researchers have made an astonishing breakthrough in the study of time and space, discovering a measurement small enough…

September 27, 2020

SCHOOL II — U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos demanded funding cuts after witnessing a professional skateboarder do a 360…

September 24, 2020

SEATTLE — The controversial 1998 crime film American History X experienced a 750% increase in DVD sales this week, as…