ST. PAUL, Min. — Local remote employee Josh Donaldson was able to increase his productivity twofold while seeing one of his favorite bands by catching up on emails during their new material, other attendees have confirmed.
“I was trying to enjoy the show but all night I kept thinking about all the work I had waiting for me first thing in the morning. That is until the frontman announced the next song was from their new album and it dawned on me this would be the perfect opportunity to get a head start for tomorrow since I wouldn’t be missing anything on stage,” said Donaldson. “I’m finding it makes for pretty good background noise that’s keeping me focused on work. It’s not bad, but it’s not the music I listened to on repeat in college so I’m just gonna circle back on a few projects until they play something I used to listen to while getting blacked out in my dorm.”
Donaldson’s late night email blitz didn’t go unnoticed by his supervisor.
“That Josh sure is committed to his projects. It’s 9:15 p.m. and here he is firing off emails like it’s a Tuesday afternoon. They’re coming in spurts about 25 minutes apart for five minutes at a time, but who am I to break his balls about what he’s doing in his free time?” said Project Manager Phil Dunway. “I was a little confused when he posted and deleted a video in the Slack chat that looked like a blurry video of some rock band. I think it was from some early morning motivational seminar the way the guy with the microphone was just trying to hype up a lethargic crowd. Either way, his promotion is basically a done deal.
The headliner was not enthusiastic about Donaldson’s work ethic.
“We’ve all accepted that some of the crowd will be checked out during the new stuff, but they’re just straight up staring at their phones and opening Outlook. I thought people came here to escape work, but I see so many people in the crowd literally networking and even hopping on Zoom calls,” said Vagabond Spirits frontman Dean Watford. “One guy wanted to plug his laptop into our A/V rig to do a dry run of his PowerPoint presentation. Just go to the bathroom instead like a normal person, damn it!”
As of press time, Donaldson was able to complete a 30 slide pitch deck during the drummer’s solo.
