Oh, Christ, not this again. You’re out on a walk through the park by your house, and you’re sort of gaining on the person in front of you.
Oh no, oh fuck. You’re walking at a slightly similar pace, but also just a little bit faster, and the gap is closing, but closing at an excruciatingly slow rate. This means in order to really pass her, you’re going to have to really pick it up and almost be power walking or, oh my god, jog? Do you just start jogging even though you haven’t been jogging? Then you’ll pass her and have to cascade down into a walk again? What is that? What would that even be?
If she has headphones on, you might startle her because she won’t realize you’re coming up on her left, oh Jesus. You can’t handle that right now.
It’s 78 degrees outside and sunny, you’re out to get your 10,000 steps a day, your watch told you to stand up, and this is what happens, oh boy, it’s coming.
This is a nightmare. You’re walking at a pace where pretty soon you’ll be right next to her and it’ll be like you decided to walk together.
Oh come on, how can she not know you’re coming? Does she have no spatial awareness? Cough! That’s it, COUGH. Oh, great. Now you’re choking. Now you’re choking on your own spit, and you are right up on her ass. Now you’re going to startle her, and she’ll think you’re sick. Now she’s going to be afraid she’s sick. What if one of her family members is in the hospital, and this little walk is all she has to do to get through the hell that is every day on this god damn planet?
Ok, phew. She’s breaking off down the other path. That was a relief. You can enjoy your walk now. Keep listening to your podcast about World War I – oh no. No, no, no, what is this old guy doing? Why does he have a walker out here, oh fuck, oh god, oh jeez…
