I’d like to play a game, and you probably know the drill by now. If you’re really a Mountain Goats fan, then you should have no problem naming 325 songs, right? No pressure, but every second you pause to think, John Darnielle is writing another three songs — tick, tock.
This goes without saying, but No Children doesn’t count — everybody knows that song, and the point of this exercise is to prove that you’re not like everyone else by rising above the unknown metrics of my rigid judgment.
I’m not trying to be “that guy” whose gatekeeping comes across as misogynistic, so I want to assure you that this has nothing to do with your womanhood and everything to do with the prolific John Darnielle. His discography has guided me through my awkward, adolescent years to my insufferable, adult existence, which is now your problem. This Year also does not count.
Mountain Goats deserve a certain level of reverence, which was lacking when you were minding your own business in a Goths era t-shirt. Have you even listened to, then memorized, All Hail West Texas? This was meant to be a softball question, considering you are desperately trying to check out at Target.
“Ridiculous?” How do you figure? According to a quick Google search, they have between 500 and 700 songs. 325 seems like a layup given their vast catalog, which is now teetering around the 800 mark, according to this notification I just received. Surely a true fan could name forty percent of their accomplishments?
Considering you’ve got most of your groceries loaded without naming a single song or even making eye contact with me, we should probably just drop it. I didn’t mean to come off so passionate, and I doubt you meant anything by that shirt.
Quick shot in the dark, but is there any chance I could grab your phone number? No? Well, Up The Wolves doesn’t count either.
