BURBANK, Calif. — President Donald Trump called for “The Simpsons” character Apu to return to the long-running show, sources confirm.
“They canceled Apu because of woke,” said President Trump while doing “the weave” at a press conference regarding the Ukraine war. “Everyone loved Apu and the woke mob got rid of him just because he was voiced by a white guy. That’s racist, if you ask me. But it’s time to bring the late, great Apu back. Stephen Miller wrote a tremendous treatment for an episode where Apu returns and is immediately abducted by ICE and sent back to India. ‘The Simpsons’ was dead, but now it’s going to be the hottest show on television. The ratings will be like nobody’s ever seen before, except for maybe ‘The Apprentice.’”
“The Simpsons” writer Del Schwartz claims that Fox threatened to fire the staff and have AI write episodes if they refused to work on the story.
“We were in a real bind over this. I mean, on the one hand I hate being forced to work on a script based on a terrible, racist premise,” said Schwartz. “But on the other hand, my kid just got accepted to Stanford and I need the money. I figure I’ll take a principled stance on the next thing that comes up. Anyhow, we’ve broken the story based on Stephen Miller’s godawful outline. We had to ditch a bunch of the jokes he suggested, though. I ran some of them by my MAGA brother-in-law and even he said it was going too far.”
Fox executive Curtis Mahan says the network’s newly formed Capitulation Department advised them to comply with the order.
“We are under no legal mandate to write a story because of a president’s demand,” said Mahan. “But, as the guys in Capitulation said, we’d be inviting a whole lot of trouble if we didn’t fall in line. What’s the big deal, anyhow? Our numbers show that barely anyone has seen the show in years. Sometimes I’ll be walking down the hall and pass ‘The Simpsons’ offices and remember, ‘Oh yeah, that still exists.’ Honestly, if it were up to me the show would’ve been canceled a long time ago. I was always more of a ‘Herman’s Head’ guy.”
At press time, Trump issued more notes to the animated sitcom’s writers, suggesting their iconic yellow skin tone be changed to white.
