MELBOURNE, Australia — Concerned fans of psychedelic rock outfit King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, best known for their succinct name and frequent album releases, called the police to do a wellness check after the band went two whole months without a new record release, according to concerned sources.
“I just know something terrible must’ve happened to my beloved King Giz,” stated superfan Sam Mathes while having the band tattooed on his back since it was only spot that would fit their entire name. “Certainly they must’ve fallen victim to a Balrog or something. Or perhaps that rattlesnake they’re always singing about finally got to them. If they got bit, I’ll be the first on the scene to suck out the poison, I swear! Gosh, I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. I haven’t heard new Giz music in 60 days, seven hours, and 43 minutes, and I’m sweating profusely. I’ve got aches all over, and my hair is falling out. Lord of lightning, please save me!”
Officer Mario Presifillipo who was called to their recording studio found himself quickly in trouble while attempting to locate the band.
“As soon as I stepped into their studio I found myself trapped within the confines of what can only be described as some sort of nonagon infinity,” said Prestifillipo from inside the studio he was still stuck in. “The halls are an endless loop but no matter which way I went I only found myself deeper within the confines of the studio. Every ending was a new beginning. Even by retracing my steps it felt like I was going in the same direction as if I was stuck in some palindrome. Please help, I swear invisible faces are watching me.”
King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard frontman Stu Mackenzie spoke out about what was really going on.
“There we were in the middle of a recording session when suddenly a laminated denim dragon popped out of some new dimension and started attacking the band, is that what you want to hear?” stated Mackenzie while doing some picking drills. “Jesus Christ, can’t we take a little time for ourselves to relax and I don’t know, spend time with our families? You people are parasites always trying to use us for every single ounce of creativity we had for all your crazy theories. I guess 27 albums is really not enough. I hate you all. But don’t worry, we have eight new albums scheduled to release next month.”
At press time, fans could be seen building a paper mache dream balloon to scour the Australian Outback in search of their bodies convinced the band was dead.
