DULUTH, Minn. — A local piece of shit maître d’ at an upscale French bistro reportedly never passed on a customer’s compliments to the head chef, according to a man who’s never been so offended in all his life.
“Talk about inconsiderate!” stated 43-year-old John Bryant as he bitched non-stop about it to his blind date. “He let me blabber on like an absolute idiot, as I insisted he pass on my praise about the tasty-ass duck confit and those dope truffle fries. Then he said he would ‘certainly’ pass on my remarks, but I watched the chef through that open kitchen all night and that lying sack of fucking shit never approached him even once. Wait till I review bomb this place. Maybe I’ll say I found pubes in my food, that should teach them. They will pay for their deceit and lies.”
Resident maître d’ Claude Matisse was surprised about the customer’s response to the interaction.
“That’s just something we say,” said Matisse. “We’re trained to be agreeable towards the clients, but who in their right mind thinks we’ve got so much free time to send private messages to our team whenever someone wants to compliment them? Yes, he’s a professional chef at a high-end restaurant, he knows his shit is tight. The last thing he needs is to be bothered with compliments instead of focusing on his craft. But I do want to thank you for explaining the situation to me further, I will certainly pass on your concerns to the owner.”
Hospitality expert Mia Bester explained how many things in the industry would surprise customers.
“There are so many things happening at places where the public frequents that would blow their dicks off,” Bester stated. “You know when waitstaff suggest daily specials? That’s because they’re already moldy so the chef needs to cook that up ASAP so that the manager doesn’t find out they’re wasting food. Complimentary coat check? That’s so staff can mockingly dress up like you and have sex with each other. Getting to your hotel only to find out that your room’s not ready yet? That’s because they likely found a dead body that morning and now have to race to cover up the stains.”
At press time, there was no indication that the maître d’ ever passed on any complaints to the restaurant’s owner.
