DENVER — A devastating 12-1 loss incurred by the Colorado Rockies at the hands of the Milwaukee Brewers was completely overshadowed by the DJ playing the song “Superman” by 3 Doors Down at the start of the 9th inning, sources report.
“That was absolutely uncalled for,” said center fielder Brenton Doyle after the game. “I thought getting completely blown out was going to be the worst part of my day, but hearing the line ‘If I go crazy then will you still me Superman?’ definitely took the cake. I almost ran off the field and called it quits right then and there. It definitely would have been worth incurring a fine and getting skewered by the media, so I regret not doing it. Hell, I would gladly get sent back down to Triple A with a huge pay cut and drop my lifelong dream of playing in the majors if it meant I never have to hear it again.”
Fan Sam Darris couldn’t believe his ears despite completely his eyes with the final score of the game.
“It’s like DJ poured salt on an open wound,” Darris said. “I’ve been a Rockies fan my entire life, and that is the worst game that I can remember. This season, they’re the worst team in Major League Baseball by a country mile, but that doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as hearing such horrific early 2000s butt-rock blared in my ears for no fucking reason. I pay good money for my season tickets, and I deserve to have a good time and enjoy watching my favorite team get completely demolished for the umpteenth time this month. The team has no right to take that away from me by ruining my day with that garbage.”
DJ Wes Burfyn was contrite about his decision to play the derided song.
“That one’s definitely on me,” Burfyn admitted. “I got kind of sick of playing ‘Enter Sandman’ and ‘Crazy Train’ so much, and thought I’d spice things up with a little variety. I wasn’t thinking. Had I stopped to consider what I was doing for even a second I would’ve realized that I was giving thousands of people the worst experience of their day. I don’t know what I can do to make it up to the team and the great baseball fans of Denver, but I promise to do better going forward.”
At press time, the team’s management decided to focus all of their money and resources on making sure the DJ staff was properly trained.