Hey, you with the Sabaton shirt and the over-manicured facial hair that’d make Tony Stark scoff. A power metal fan, huh? Power metal’s for people who live in a fantasy world — just like Wilhelm II during World War I, who laughably thought the Central Powers were still gonna beat the Allies once the United States joined.
Speaking of: if you like Sabaton, then you should be able to name three victories that the Central Powers had during the First World War.
Go ahead. Germany ’n company won plenty of battles, so this should be simple. After all, Germany spent a good chunk of the Twentieth Century seeing their neighbors as enemies and showing hostility towards them. Cops are forced to do the same thing in order to keep the peace. That’s probably why Sabaton’s vocalist “Jocke” Brodén wears aviators and a wannabe flak jacket. He plays dress-up because he, like his fans, lives in a make-believe world with the veneer of authority, just like Sweden’s neutrality during the war.
Anyhow, name some Central Powers victories.
The German spring offensive? That’s cheating, since that was a series of battles. Actually, German Spring Offensive would be a good name for a power metal band. Certainly better than “Sabaton.” What happened to Swedish metal bands with kick-ass names like In Flames and Dissection? Sabaton sounds like the shitbox you’re forced to drive to work because a ’97 Geo Metro was outta your price range.
The Battle of the Somme? I dunno about that. All Germany did was stop Allied advancement. So, really, it was less a victory than a not-defeat, like that time I helped in a soup kitchen and only half of those served got food poisoning. Sue me for not knowing you cook the chicken before it goes in the soup.
The Battle of Mons? Yeah, I guess. Germany did force a British retreat, but that’s partly because of the French cutting and running. Man, they really screwed over the Brits on that one. Makes sense though: France’s cowardice in Dubya Dubya One was just a dry run for them folding like a lawn chair in Dubya Dubya Two.
At least the French signed the Treaty of Versailles, unlike one country I could name.