BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local 43-year-old Craig Peterson entered a new phase of life where he lets out an involuntary groan any time he sits down, sources who want to know where the Aleve is confirmed.
“I don’t really know what’s happening or why but it seems like whenever I go to take a load off this noise comes out of me that is somewhere between a sigh and a wince and it seems to be completely out of my control,” said Peterson. “And not only does that happen but if I sit down after standing for a long time I’ll let out the groan and follow it with a breathy ‘ahh boy.’ What is that? What does it even mean? For some reason I can’t stop saying it. Ahh boy.”
Peterson’s wife says she has noticed the groaning and can hear him doing it from every room in the house.
“The first time I heard him make that sound I ran to the living room to see if he was alright but he was just lounging on the couch. I asked him if something hurt and he said yes but that he honestly couldn’t say which area on his body it was,” says Jennifer Peterson. “It’s really the worst when I’m working from home and I’m on a call and in the background you can hear Craig letting out this utterance just because he settled into a chair. I try to cover for it by telling my coworkers that I just live in a haunted house but that only works some of the time. Can’t believe this is now my life for the next several decades. ”
Primary care physician Dr. Jane Berman says this is a common symptom she sees with patients of a certain age and that it may lead to further complications.
“We see this a lot where a patient enters into the middle years of their life and begins to exhibit odd new behaviors such as letting out a reflexive vocalization of discomfort from simply moving around or existing,” Dr. Berman said. “Other signs that patients have begun the slow descent after just passing the apex of life include starting to forget the names of actors from their favorite movies or using the flashlight on their phone to see the menu at a restaurant. These are clear signs that their long path of decline has just begun.”
At press time, Peterson was heard asking the barista at his local coffee shop if they wouldn’t mind turning the music down just a bit.