ARKADELPHIA, Ark. — Friends of local David Bowie fan William Malloy report the young man has a completely different personality every time you see them.
“I saw him last week and he was this clean-cut mod guy,” said Slater while fretting over what to get Malloy for his birthday. “But a few hours later he had long frizzy hair and kept talking about space. Yesterday I ran into him and he was wearing a beautiful dress, but he kept saying how we’re all going to die in five years, which was a bummer. I tried to have coffee with him this morning, but he was worried he’d blow my mind if we did. Plus, he also goes by John, or Jesse, or Twiggy Moonstar, or Butterscotch Lightning, or any other name-of-the-week, which isn’t helping anything. Frankly, it’s like I’m meeting him for the first time every time, and I don’t mean that in a good way.”
Malloy defended his eclectic tastes.
“Bowie didn’t limit himself to one personality or outlook on life, so why should I?” reported Malloy while shopping in every section of a clothing store. “So what if I completely reinvent who I am once, twice, three times a day? What business is it of yours? It’s not my fault you’re set in your ways and don’t want to spend half your income on apparel. Maybe try opening your mind and looking at the world from a different point of view once in a while. I have a feeling that decades from now all of you will truly appreciate my range of interests and wardrobe choices.”
Long-time Bowie producer Tony Visconti has a unique point of view about Malloy’s eclectic personalities.
“The ironic part is that David stuck to the same routine every day, as best he could,” said Visconti while looking for his VHS copy of “Labyrinth.” “He rarely wanted to do anything different. Same breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, same clothes, you name it. We had to practically hold a gun to his head to make him dress differently for each album cover. If it was up to him he’d have worn the same trousers and button up dress shirt every day. He’d always complain when we asked him to change the theme from record to record, but in the end he usually came around.”
At press time, Malloy was seen painting a lightning bolt on his face in preparation for a new passport photo.