LONDON – Scott Devine and Ian Martin Allison wowed bass players across the globe with their new masterclass on how to shove a refrigerator-sized Ampeg SVT 8×10 speaker cabinet into the back of a 1994 Toyota Corolla, enthusiastic tone-chasing bottom-feeders confirmed.
“In this class, we’ll run you through the best practices on how to forcibly insert an unnecessarily large speaker into your economy sedan like many of the greats who have done so in the past,” said Devine while nonchalantly drilling an ascending harmonic minor scale with an incredibly complex double thumping technique which can be further unpacked through the 14-day free trial to his extensive and ever-growing catalog of courses. “We’ll go through the pros and cons of bringing wildly impractical equipment to bar gigs that have 12 patrons attending, and how to do it with verve, enthusiasm, and the love for the game.”
Avid bass player and casual gigger Michel Arnold has his doubts about the efficacy of Devine’s new online tutorial.
“I don’t know. I drive a Ford Windstar, which is way bigger than a Corolla, and I even have difficulties lugging my Ampeg around. I’m your classic soccer dad with plenty of cargo space, but I can’t even get to the gig unless I take out all of the seats and slap some ratchet straps down. Otherwise, the thing just slides around, smacking into the windows and causing a ruckus,” Arnold proclaimed while pricing Mark Bass combo amps at Guitar Center. “But one thing I know for certain, chicks love when you roll out with the big boy, so I’m all ears at this point.”
Ian Martin Allison, Devine’s right-hand man, urges bassists to approach the masterclass with guarded enthusiasm.
“I’ve said this time and time again. Just like two-handed tapping on an MTD custom 6-string, yeeting an Ampeg 8×10 into the back of your car isn’t for everyone,” Allison stated while adjusting his hat in the reflection of the pickup cover on his Marcus Miller signature Jazz Bass. “We’ll unpack how to distribute the weight over the load-bearing capacity of each respective axle, so you can not only travel safely, but also wield an imposing amount of low-end that won’t even make it to the front-of-house mix anyway. But hey–if you’re too intimidated by our prowess, we don’t blame you a bit for simply buying a larger car.”
At press time, Devine was spotted using his new custom-built Fodera as a coffee table.