CHICAGO — A tourist’s evening was saved after a local Midwest crust punk was nice enough to return their missing wallet and even added more money than when it was found, onlookers confirmed.
“I found this guy’s wallet on the bathroom floor next to me as I was waking up, and I figured oh gosh his night’s going to be a bit spoiled if I don’t get this to him. I asked around and sure enough the bouncer saw him step outside, so I threw a 20 spot in there for his troubles and got it to him right before he started canceling his cards,” said punk Dan Kapowki. “I figured he’d need a beer or three after a scare like that! I could tell he was surprised, but out here we don’t believe in fucking people up in the pit.”
Paul Johnson, the owner of the missing wallet, was admittedly confused by how helpful Kapowski had been.
“I know I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but my life did flash before my eyes seeing a 6 ‘4” man with a mohawk and a tattered battle vest sprinting towards me out of a darkened dive bar. The last thing I expected was having my wallet returned with a better return on investment than my own bank. I thought there was going to be a catch, but he was genuinely concerned! What the hell is this place?” said Johnson. “I’m from New York, so I’m used to the type of people who’d step over me should I get hit by a car. He even gave me three Chicago hardcore bands to name in case anyone stopped me and asked. What a guy!”
The bar’s owner knew Kapowki would instinctively do the right thing, as his behavior was ingrained in the city’s punk scene.
“Unlike the coastal elitists, the only competition out here is with Milwaukee and Detroit punks over who hates cops more. If someone needs a hand loading in equipment for a show or a chance to deface government property, we pitch in,” said Mark Franklin. “Last winter when the neighborhood got snowed in, Dan and a few others took some speed and had the whole block shoveled out before the plows arrived. Don’t ask me how he found that $20, but I hope the guy who got his wallet back pays it forward.”
At press time, Kapowski offered to help drive Johnson back to his hotel with a police cruiser he’d just broken into and hotwired.