MILWAUKEE — Local suburban father Dave Johnson made history after inadvertently performing the greatest rock and roll drum solo of all time on the willing belly of his best friend and dog Teddy Johnson, confirmed extremely impressed sources.
“Yeah, Teddy loves when I smack his gut to a steady beat and call him the ‘goodest boy in the whole wide world,’ he just goes nuts for it,” Johnson claimed. “Sometimes he lays down for me, and I just go to town on that K9 abdomen. Normally, I’ve got something going in my head like some Zeppelin ‘Moby Dick’ but today I was just rockin’ my own thing. I might be nuts, but I think I made a pretty solid beat. Some have even called me the Neil Peart of pet stomach drumming, which is a title I do not take lightly.”
Ralph Matthews, a neighboring dad, happened to catch this historic event while he was grilling some steaks.
“I was just flipping some excellent hunks of cowboy meat, when I heard Dave start going in on Teddy’s belly,” said Matthews. “At first I thought he was busting out some classic Sabbath, but then something happened. It was so breathtaking, I had to stop grilling for several minutes just to listen. The talent, the technique, you just had to be there! About three minutes in, I said to myself, ‘Ralph, you gotta get a video of this!’ And I guess I was right to, because everybody I sent it to was blown away! It even went viral on my Facebook with 37 total likes.”
Immediately upon hearing Johnson’s recording, Mark Wallace, director of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, recognized the significance of the situation.
“We have already begun construction on a sculpture commemorating this incredible moment!” said Wallace, who has been directing the hall of fame for the last 10 years. “I have been in this business for a very long time, and I’ve never seen anything quite like this. Dave and Teddy Johnson’s names are gonna be right up there with John Bonham and Animal from ‘The Muppets,’ if not higher. The sculpture is projected to be finished by the end of the year. It’ll go right next to our statue of the teenager who performed a stunning drum solo on this classroom desk in 1997.”
At press time, Johnson was not nearly as impressive after awkwardly attempting a follow-up performance on his reluctant cat’s belly.