Breakups are tough. There are plenty of websites that give reasonable advice about how to get over your ex, but being reasonable is boring. Life is about passion, making mistakes, and seemingly never learning from those mistakes to the point where you alienate all your best friends with your terrible decisions.
Ryan and I met at leaving our local police station, he was there for violating a restraining order, I was there for starting a fight with a woman that dated my high school boyfriend 10 years after we broke up. Ryan and I had an instant connection. While waiting for separate Ubers, I asked him for a cigarette, but he declined, he thoughtfully offered to sell one to me for $5. We hooked up for four years until his roommate kicked him out for always leaving the faucet running, and he moved in with me as my boyfriend.
Our breakup devastated me. When he moved out and into his car, I had no idea what to do with all the time I used to spend doing his laundry. I completely fell apart and my diet consisted of flavor-blasted Goldfish; I was turning into the slob he always had been. After a month, I decided the best way to get over him was to get back together. Here’s what worked for me to move forward most effectively:
Step 1: Unblock his number.
I know what you’re thinking “He’s blocked for a reason!” And that reason is because you are starving yourself of what’s truly good for you. Re-add him to your contacts, and open your heart to love. Text him things like “what up?” and “feeling a bit lonely if ur around” just to set a baseline.
Step 2: Reach out to him.
He might have given up on you post-breakup, so it’s your responsibility to break the ice. He may even ask, “Who is this?” it’s because he’s so hurt he doesn’t recognize who you’ve become. Remind him by sending a few photos that you wouldn’t want anyone else to see, what could go wrong?
Step 3: Apologize for catching him cheating.
Yes, he gave oral to your aunt at your family’s Labor Day party- but really, it was rude of you to open the bathroom door without knocking. Thanks to you, your aunt didn’t even get to finish. Also, it’s not lost on me that he was giving oral. If that’s not a good guy, then I don’t know what is.
Step 4: Make sure he’s available.
When he’s asleep in his car parked outside your house, take his phone and delete your whore aunt’s number. Also, slash his tires. Where’s he gonna go? This way his schedule is clear and he will have enough space in his heart for you.
Step 5: Last but not least, cut off all of your friends.
This is the hardest step of all, but it’s the most necessary as they are the ones who remember how he stole your identity for a new driver’s license that one time- they’ll only fight against your happiness. It’s tough, but if you want to get over what you’re feeling now, you’ll have to eliminate the haters.
Overall, breakups are truly some of the worst pain known to man that everyone can relate to. So why experience it?