Huh, that’s sure some graphic tee you’re wearing. Let me take a closer look at the image you’re so casually walking around displaying; seems like it’s a cartoon tabby with hearts for eyes with the words “cat lover” under it. So, I’m guessing you think you’re a cat lover. How ‘bout, if you’re such an aficionado of the feline variety, you name me three insane things that the parasites nestled in your brain have compelled you to do for a cat’s amusement.
You heard me. If you’re such a cat lover, tell me three bizarre, inexplicable actions you have performed because you’re infected with Toxoplasma gondii, the insidious microscopic organism that cats use to control the brains and souls of their owners and also rats.
This shouldn’t be so hard, buddy. You think it’s cool to walk around with a cartoon cat on your shirt and not be able to immediately mention how you feel compelled by parasites in your brain to walk repeatedly into a door just to make your pretty little kitten happy for a moment? Well, it’s fucking not, poser.
I bet you’ve never even woken up out of a dead sleep to sleepily stumble to Petco, buy 75 cans of wet food, slap a cashier across the face for no reason you can explain, get arrested, and spend your time in jail skittering across the floor like a braindead rat. That’s what being a true cat lover is all about.
And how about this? You name even a single time that you’ve collected all the loose fur your cat, President William Henry Hairysson, shed and turned it into a Jamiroquai-like hat that you wore to church and then got excommunicated for.
Literally, name one single time.
Honestly, people like you give parasites a bad name. You act like putting a fucking lame-ass feline on a shirt proves that you actually love cats. You probably don’t even like cats. A loser like you would be lucky to respect cats for their many fine qualities.
Now, I gotta get out of here, because the toxoplasma coursing through my brain and destroying my nervous system is telling me that I need to rob a bank and use all the money on shiny, shiny pieces of foil that President Hairysson would love.