If you’ve ever been sad, and in the moment Elliott Smith seemed like a bit much to deal with, then you are probably familiar with the Smoking Popes. Named after the time that John Paul II accidentally held a hair dryer too close to his big hat, Smoking Popes are the embodiment of “heart on your sleeve” pop-punk. But not every record catalyzed by a mistaken holy man ignition is created equal. Here is our definitive ranking of every Smoking Popes album.
6. Stay Down (2008)
A bad Smoking Popes album is hard to make, but after a decades long hiatus the boys in SP finally reunited and managed to create one craptastic piece of forgettable schlock. I’d like to say that “Stay Down” has its moments, but even after relistening to this album an hour ago I cannot recall what any of them were. So here it is – the bottom of the barrel. Don’t worry it gets much better after this.
Play it again: Who gives a shit?
Skip it: Whatever?
5. This Is Only a Test (2011)
“Return to form” is not a strong word because, if you look closely, it’s actually three words. But still, “This Is Only a Test” is a strong return to form for a band that clearly had some shit to work through (*see above entry for reference*). It may not have the same charisma as some other SP records, but the sound and the feeling you’re familiar with is right there, and that for sure makes this album a respectable offering.
Play it again: “Wish We Were”
Skip it: “College”
4. Get Fired (1993)
“Get Fired” sounds like the feeling of wanting to punch your guidance counselor who is right about you. It sounds like the high school breakup that at the time seemed like everything but, in hindsight, could have been an email. It sounds like if Jawbreaker hadn’t gone to college. You get it – it’s a good album and you should absolutely experience it, but rest assured that better things await you later on.
Play it again: “Days Just Wave Goodbye”
Skip it: “Let’s Hear It For Love” is a great song, but they have a better version on “Destination Failure” so let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.
Honorable Mention: The Party’s Over (2003)
Technically, this is a studio album. However, it’s only a studio album because Smoking Popes needed something to get out of their Capitol Records contract and quickly shat out a handful of unreleasable (until years later) covers to fill out their contractual obligations and give a middle finger to the label execs, which personally I respect a lot. So for that reason, and the fact that most of these covers are actually really fucking solid, “The Party’s Over” gets an honorable mention.
Play it again: Fuck Capitol Records.
Skip it: Once again, who gives a shit?
3. Into the Agony (2018)
This album is kinda fucked up. Not in a bad way, but it’s definitely got a different feeling than any other Smoking Popes album. It sounds heavier, and longer, more intricate instrumentation augments the band’s iconic “woe the fuck is me” lyrical mentality. Ultimately, it feels like they took a big gamble on “Into the Agony” and we can all be grateful that they pulled it off.
Play it again: “Get Happy”
Skip it: “Amanda My Love”
2. Destination Failure (1997)
The title “Destination Failure” feels like as much a description of the band’s own self-image as it was a prophecy of their musical future. In this way the album could almost be heard as the last, experimental death cry of a band who could feel control slipping away from them and decadent to turn fully into it. Much like a tour bus crash “Destination Failure” is tragic, beautiful, reflective and, in hindsight, completely unavoidable when you steer into the skid.
Play it again: “Let’s Hear It For Love” See! I told you we’d come back to it.
Skip it: “Before I’m Gone”
1. Born To Quit (1995)
Without “Born To Quit” soundtracks for ‘90s coming-of-age comedies would be nearly nonexistent. “Tommy Boy,” “Angus,” “Boys,” and “Clueless” all include at least one Smoking Popes from this album, making them the Smash Mouth of mid-nineties movies that tell teenagers it’s okay to be themselves. Fuck, you could put that seem distinction on punk rock as a whole – and likewise, “Born To Quit” encapsulated that ideal perfectly.
Play it again: “Rubella”
Skip it: “Adena”