LOS ANGELES — Ticketmaster’s latest pre-sale for the Now That’s What I Call Music Tour allowed concertgoers to register for exclusive access to purchase overpriced, dog shit tickets well in advance of everyone else, sources confirmed.
“Market research shows that we will have no problem selling premium seats for top dollar when tickets go on sale to the general public, but the nosebleed and obstructed view seats can sometimes be a tough sell. Now we release those as pre-sale tickets so die-hard fans think they are getting some great deal. Those little pigs slop it up and think they won the lottery,” detailed Ticketmaster VP Luigi Rosecrans. “The beauty of it all is the pre-sale code comes with a service fee, accessing the website will come with a convenience fee, and clicking the checkout button hits them with what we call the ‘Eat Shit You Fucking Prick’ fee which we tack on just because we can.”
Self-described Mega-Fan Adam Wozniak recalls how excited he is to be the first to buy tickets.
“I had five devices going at once all with individual codes to make sure I got a chance to get in and purchase. It was weird that only the upper tier was available but I kept seeing all the little blue dots disappear and assumed all the floor seats and general admission pit tickets were disappearing fast,” said Wozniak. “I had to pull the trigger and make a quick decision but I got three amazing back row tickets for Section 325 and it says ‘Probably Going to Smell Because Seats are Technically in the Bathroom’’ but we’re in! And that’s all that matters. It is weird how fast the rest of the arena sold out before Pre-Sale.”
Professor of Fan Psychology for UC Santa Barbara Earl E. Edmonson further revealed why Pre-Sales are important to fans.
“The ability to say that you have the first tickets available for an upcoming show is the modern equivalent of ‘I was into them before they got big’ except everyone attending the show will be there for the exact same show,” said Edmonson. “It helps to create a FOMO effect where more people will want to pay more for better seats and once those are also sold the vendors can mark up any remaining ‘cheap seats.’ Some fans will end up double-dip purchasing tickets if they find better seats later. Everyone is happy! But mostly the venue and ticket vendor.”
Ticketmaster also hopes to unveil a new program where security guards working the shows bid top dollar on which section they get to stand in.