PHILADELPHIA – A dozen punks are adjusting to their new life as a single organism after getting their chain wallets tangled at a house show, confirmed amazed and slightly disgusted sources.
“I saw this dude outside the show my band was playing at, so I asked him if I could bum a cig,” said one pierced mouth of the writhing mass of humanity now known as X. “It was freezing cold, so we were all bunched up pretty close together. Next thing I know this girl comes over and asks for one. Suddenly it’s a crowd, we’re all attached at the hip, literally. My dad is a doctor and he’s basically telling me I should prepare for a new life, and that he’s not going to pay my car insurance anymore. Which is bullshit, but now that I’m permanently attached to 11 other people maybe we can get some sort of family plan.”
Emergency medical personnel initially attempted to surgically separate the individuals but failed after each of the 20-somethings refused to cooperate with authorities.
“We wheeled them into the operating room and had our world-class surgeons ready to go, but they just spit on us and called us ‘wound cops’ which I still don’t really understand,” said a doctor who saw the DIY fusion up close, granted anonymity to break HIPAA laws. “Eventually it was decided that the ethical, cost-effective thing to do was cease separation attempts and allow the punks to begin to organize into a collective consciousness, which they immediately began doing by pooling all their cash to buy a thirty rack of PBR. With a generous donation from a board member here, they were able to afford it.”
Scientists from across the world have begun initial studies of the organism.
“This is the first time we’ve seen a human ‘rat-king’ in nature. Their tangled wallet chains appear to have spontaneously formed a sort of Gordian Knot through which the punks are able to communicate, pass nutrients and discuss new advances in button pressing,” said Dr. Heins Banks, head of Cryptozoological studies at La Sorbonne in Paris. “While each constituent part of the organism formerly insisted on individuality to the point of absurdity, this new being appears willing to share more than cigarettes and anecdotes about basement shows of yesteryear.”
At press time, X was seen asking every passerby if they could bum a pack of cigarettes.