FORT WAYNE, Ind. — A vintage Pac-Man arcade cabinet belonging to area laundromat Sudsy’s Soak ‘n Scrub is reportedly the establishment’s most technologically advanced piece of equipment by a wide margin, sources who see no need for further improvements confirmed.
“Sudsy’s has been in my family for three generations, and we got a proud reputation for our service over all those years. So what if washers were built during the first Cleveland administration? They were good enough then and they should be good enough now,” explained laundromat owner Harlan Museman. “Of course, customers complain sometimes about how our air conditioning system is just a fan and a big block of rock salt in front of it, so we got that newfangled circle boy machine to keep ‘em distracted. Occasionally you just have to get with the times.”
Laundromat patron Joanna Flint gave her perspective on the game cabinet while also having a very difficult time with the change machine.
“Why does this goddamn thing never fucking work right? I know it was built before the invention of five-dollar bills but c’mon!” exclaimed Flint. “Yeah, the Pac-Man game is fine but there’s really not much use for it when I haven’t been able to get one quarter out of this change dispenser. I mean, I literally can’t give this business my money without this machine functioning properly so you’d think that might incentivize them to, you know, have it fucking do that.”
Pac-Man took a brief intermission from eating ghosts and dots to express his feelings on being Sudsy’s newest appliance.
“I don’t see nothing wrong with being the new kid on the block around here, even four decades later. People may claim that every single mechanical device here is woefully out of date, but let me tell you, as a video game character that knows how it feels to be a classic, there’s nothing wrong with a little age,” said Pac-Man with his big weird flappy head. “Personally I hope they never get anything new, especially if it’s a Dance Dance Revolution. There’s barely any fruit in that game! Ridiculous.”
At press time, Sudsy’s customers were informed that the building’s restroom facilities would be closed until management gets around to emptying the bucket again.