September 2019 - Page 6 of 18

Bellsprout Abandoned at Day Care Getting Sick of Fucking

Pat Cavanaugh • September 22, 2019

GOLDENROD CITY — A Bellsprout left at the Pokémon Day Care Center on Route 34 is getting pretty sick of…

Ex Hoping You’ll Still Want to Remain Friends, Send Nudes, See Where Things Go

Patrick Coyne • September 22, 2019

DUNWOODY, Ga. — Recently dumped dirtbag Jimmy Crocetta is allegedly hoping his ex-girlfriend Christina Jindra will want to still remain…

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Poser Bassist Uses a Pick, or Maybe Doesn’t Use a Pick? I’m Not Sure, Which Do We Allow?

Louie Aronowitz • September 22, 2019

I was at this show last night and this totally lame poser in a totally lame poser band was playing…

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Punk Putting on Hockey Jersey Signals Unofficial End of Summer

Patrick Coyne • September 22, 2019

NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A man wearing a faded, several-years-old novelty Labatt Blue hockey jersey at an all-ages show last…

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Psychedelic Blues Band Lineup Made up Entirely of Sideburns

Jonah Nink • September 21, 2019

MILWAUKEE — Up-and-coming psychedelic blues band Sharp Shave, made up entirely of human-sized, anthropomorphic sideburns, drew dozens of Wisconsinites to…

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Slimy Clump of Strawberries on Bottom of Yogurt Local Man’s Only Source of Fruit

Krissy Howard • September 21, 2019

BOSTON — Local man, and person with little to no concern for his physical well-being, Travis Ligresti was spotted eating…

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It Takes Decades of Composing Video Game Soundtracks to Know Exactly When to Bleep and When to Bloop

Kevin Flynn • September 21, 2019

I’ve had a long career as a composer for Nintendo. I’m responsible for the music behind some of the company’s…

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We Rank All the Riffs You Flubbed in Front of Rebecca Last Night

Alex Salcido • September 21, 2019

Dude, you KILLED it last night. And by ‘it,’ I don’t mean all those overly complicated solos and riffs you…

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punk, hardcore, dave, grohl, dave grohl, confession

Priest Tells Dave Grohl He Doesn’t Need to Begin Every Confessional That Way

Patrick Crooks • September 21, 2019

LOS ANGELES — Father Michael Kelly of St. Mark’s Parish asked Dave Grohl yesterday to stop beginning his confessional by…

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Facebook Unveils New Plan for Connecting Users With Their Dearest and Closest Ads

Edgar Towner • September 20, 2019

MENLO PARK, Calif. — The latest update to Facebook’s algorithm will reorganize users’ news feeds to show more posts from…

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