June 2018 - Page 2 of 9

Independent Researcher Discovers Over 80 Stormy Daniels Sex Tapes

Mark Maira • June 27, 2018

TAMPA, Fla. — Independent researcher Spencer Griffith uncovered a “bombshell” yesterday in the continuing Stormy Daniels-Donald Trump story, discovering over…

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White Guy Doesn’t Have Enough Mana to Play Race Card

Jeremy Kaplowitz • June 26, 2018

CHICAGO — Local nerd Chris Patson found himself in a tight spot this morning during a political argument with his…

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Gamer Jaded by Microtransactions Escapes to Local Trading Card Game Scene

Emilio Ronquillo • June 26, 2018

FREMONT, Calif. — After hemorrhaging more than $100 for characters, skins, and various downloadable content over the past year, 24-year-old…

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Sammy Hagar Discovers Theoretical Second Way to Rock

David Britton • June 26, 2018

SALINAS, Calif. — Former Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar has discovered a theoretical, second way to rock, following years of…

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Tips For Getting Your Favorite Earl Sweatshirt Back After A Breakup

John Danek • June 26, 2018

Relationships are tough. Getting your most prized possessions back after a breakup is even tougher especially when it comes to…

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ACLU Publicly Drops Support for First Amendment After Discovering Sonic Fan Art

Doug Francisco • June 25, 2018

NEW YORK — In a press conference today, American Civil Liberties Union president Susan N. Herman announced that the organization…

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Bad Pet Owner Running Out of Skin for Memorial Tattoos

Allison Mick • June 25, 2018

DERRY, Maine — Local punk Liberty Van Zandt is running out of blank skin for commemorating her dead pets, and…

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PewDiePie and Fiancée Exchange Slurs

M.J. Amory • June 24, 2018

BRIGHTON, U.K. — In a small ceremony in front of close friends and family, Felix Kjellberg, more famously known by…

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Quantum Tour Van Exists in Two Parking Spaces at Once

Andy Holt • June 24, 2018

MINNEAPOLIS — A 1986 Ford Econoline van baffled onlookers and scientists alike last night after somehow inhabiting two separate parking…

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Venue Strictly Enforces 12-Strike Policy on Assault

Brandon Fernweh • June 23, 2018

CHICAGO — The Copper Creek Bar music venue announced plans this morning to instill and enforce a strict 12-strike policy…

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