It’s not always easy being a male feminist. Walking the fine line between empathy for the plight of women and also accepting your basest male instincts is a high-wire act few can maintain, let alone fake convincingly. Luckily for you, you don’t have to choose between your undying support of women’s struggles and achieving sexual release on a regular basis. With these five tips, you can make sure the woman you finally got to put out will have no doubt you are an ally during sex.
1. Apologize for the size of your penis — It can be nerve-wracking for a woman to disrobe in front a new partner for the first time, and the situation can be even more alarming if you do not apologize for the elephant in the room: your penis. When you drop your trousers be aware that she is likely scared by the size of your manhood. Reassure her that even though it looks crazy big, you haven’t had any complaints in the past.
2. Respect her by NOT going down on her — A common mistake men who consider themselves allies to women often make is that they think performing oral sex is a sign of respect. WRONG. When performing oral sex, men are often woefully inept, and you are no exception. If you really want to blow her mind, tell her right out the gate you will NOT be performing oral sex because you really suck at it.
3. Acknowledge women’s sacrifices when asking for oral — In contrast to tip number two, when the inevitable subject of fellatio arises (because you specifically request it) make sure she understands that you appreciate the sacrifices womankind have had to make, and are about to make, on behalf of men. Or man, in this case, you. How you choose to do this is up to you — get creative! Whether it’s a framed picture of Harriet Tubman on the mantle, or an Eleanor Roosevelt mural, make sure she knows you begrudgingly accept her sacrifice.
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4. Finish EARLY — Sex can sometimes be a chore. Recognize that a woman’s time is precious. Be aware that by having a no-strings-attached sexual encounter with her you are taking some of that precious time. Because she cannot get the time she spends underneath you back, keep it short and sweet. Sacrifice your male pride and get it over with in a hurry. She’ll appreciate that you respected her agency, no matter how frustrated she might be that she definitely DID NOT get there.
5. Obtain affirmative consent — Shit! We really did not mean to put this one last. These are not in order of importance but fuck, just start at this one and then work from there. Goddammit, this one is really the most important. Just pretend we put it first, OK? This one has to go first, but we’ve already written so much so we’re just going to leave it here. Just know WE know this is the most important one.
Wow cool! Sound off in the comments if you totally know that WE know how important affirmative consent is and that we did a great job with this list!