42-Year-Old Skater Almost Lands Job

After spending several years attempting to earn gainful employment for the first time in his life, 42 year-old skateboarder Kyle Lennis again failed at landing a job with a local temp agency, sources close to Lennis told reporters on Thursday.

Lifelong friend Emilio Sanchez, 39, witnessed the entire incident while filming Lennis with his fisheye lens on his Sony VX1000.

“He tried to walk through the front door for his interview about a dozen times,” Sanchez said about his economically dependent adult friend’s determination. “The dude is super stubborn; he kept stepping back, walking up the sidewalk again and again and again and again. It was brutal, but Kyle is hard as nails. We’ll try and shut it down again next week.”

Despite the setback, Lennis remains optimistic that patience and practice will pay off.

“I was so close,” Lennis said outside of his parent’s house where he has been living his entire life. “I saw this spot in recruitment videos before, so I figured I’d need to give it a shot. I was rolling up to the front door of the office, building good speed. But I just bailed at the last minute, after I saw a glimpse of future-Kyle wearing a suit everyday. I completely psyched myself out.”

Lennis added, “The closest thing I have to dress shoes is some black Vans slip-ons and those are covered in shoe goo. I don’t want to be that guy that blames his shoes, but hey — it was a factor.”

Related: Totally Lame Helmet Saves Wimpy Mama’s Boy’s Life

Dedicated to stick a job and keep it, Lennis told reporters he will regularly watch US Department of Labor resource videos, which offer advice, tips, and tricks on securing employment.

“I’ve been studying every detail of these tapes for the past few years. Like how to craft a good resume, negotiate benefits, and check this out…” Lennis went on to cue up his favorite segment on his VCR. “Look at the way this guy gives a handshake to his potential employer — super smooth. I don’t know how he does it, and I’ve watched this part like a hundred times.”

Although Lennis has technically been sponsored by his parents since he turned 18, the now 42 year-old fears that he may soon be dropped from their support. “I overheard my dad talking to my mom that I’m a total poser and haven’t done anything meaningful in years. I bet they start hooking up my little nephew and give him my inheritance.”

Comments