ALLSTON, Mass. — Residents of a basement apartment on Gardner Street are counting on a single, $5 tub of spackle to repair multiple doors, walls, and pieces of flooring for a full return on their security deposit, sources close to the decrepit home confirmed.
The apartment, which houses five college-aged local punks, served as a default meeting spot before heading out into the city with friends over the years.
“Things could get pretty rowdy here, and I guess we’re paying for it now,” said primary lease holder Becky Park. “We had one party where everyone dressed up as superheros, and someone showed up with a real sword. It was fun, until they stabbed it through the door while someone was on the other side trying to take a piss. The spackle sort of filled the hole, but the blood stains might take a thing of club soda or something, because they ain’t going anywhere.”
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Carassini’s father, a private contractor, purchased the spackle and initially attempted to help the residents with repairs.
“I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I thought maybe — maybe — we’d need to patch some holes where they hung a few photos or put up a bookshelf, but I’ve never seen anything like this,” said the elder Carassini. “It looked like a can of spray paint exploded by the front door. When I found what looked like a human shit in the cat’s litter box that had been there for God knows how long, I just had to leave.”
At press time, residents were desperately trying to find a pet snake that escaped its terrarium and is potentially in the heating ducts.
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Article by The Hard Times Staff @REALpunknews. Photo by Kyle Erf @KyleErf.