SEATTLE — Local anarchist Tommy Greggors staunchly declined to answer a survey about his experience at OfficeMax, confirmed sources. “I simply refuse to let the…
The doctor said this was a first: no one had requested their own colonoscopy footage before. I said this was a request from the deepest…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local punk Pattie “Two Dollar” O’Malley set up a foundation dedicated to researching and curing “coke dick,” a condition that renders…
The judiciary system of the United States of America was established on September 24th, 1789 to protect the rights of our nation’s citizens and it…
The Mandela Effect is the age-old behavioral phenomenon where large swaths of people misremember specific details about a person, event, or cereal brand. For instance,…
The benefits of meal prepping go beyond saving time and money. It also frees up your brain so you can spend less time thinking about…
While you were all picking out flowers, crafting love poems, and filling the deep and gooey pockets of Hershey and Hallmark this week, we were…
So you’re still living paycheck to paycheck despite having a degree and 15+ years of work experience—it’s probably time to look into a side hustle.…
It’s 2025 and after over a decade of unchallenged mainstream hegemony, your hatred of Drake has been vindicated. Look, we all get it. After the…
Before he was a solo artist, Kurt Vile was a founding member of The War on Drugs. The War on Drugs without Kurt went on…
LOS ANGELES — Popstar Chappell Roan woke up to discover the severed and pink-painted head of a pony in her bed yesterday, seemingly a threatening…
Move over, California sober — There’s a new form of pseudo-sobriety in town and I’m leading the charge. It’s called “Lexapro sober” and I definitely…
Hey buddy. You doin’ okay? Neither are we, but it’s fine, we guess. We won’t bore you with all of the existential ins and outs…
Meth: It’s one of those things we all love. For many people, myself included, meth is more than just a crystal shard, it’s a lifestyle.…
LOS ANGELES — Kanye West followed up a Nazi-glorifying rant on ‘X’ today by announcing the surprise release of his newest studio album “Austrian Art…