SEATTLE — Local dog and apparent vegan Noodles reportedly remains unaware of the dietary restrictions forced upon her by her well-meaning owner, confused sources report.…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Aries is known as the most adventurous of all the zodiac. While your bravery and risky behavior is applauded by some,…
HILO, Hawaii — A recent string of attacks on tourists attending DIY punk shows in various parts of Hawaii has been linked to a brutal…
IRVINE, Calif. — Youth pastor Doug McCabe casually mentioned yesterday that he had a friend who was “a real punk rocker, and his name is…
DALLAS — Local punk and father of three Andrew Semple reportedly allowed his underage son Andy, Jr. the privilege of sharing “just one” huff of…
SAN FRANCISCO — A crudely made oil and watercolor painting on the wall of Revelry Coffee Roasters has a reported sale price of $750 fucking…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local punk Brittany Metz stopped dead in her tracks in front of a Gap store earlier today upon seeing a display of…
WASHINGTON — Tickets and merchandise for the joint Def Leppard/Journey tour will be completely covered by Medicare, according to a statement released today by the federal…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Cool it, Aries. Just because you watched Childish Gambino’s “This Is America” once doesn’t mean anyone gives a shit about the…
SAN ANTONIO — Aspiring musician Josh Sánchez’s trusty Jim Dunlop guitar pick is reportedly securely lodged in an auxiliary compartment of his wallet “just in…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Legendary MC Busta Rhymes surprised the hip-hop community this morning by dropping a sternly worded lecture on his son 10-year old son…
ATLANTA — Netflix subscriber Christina Hyeon’s Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt marathon was interrupted last night by a message announcing that the service “doesn’t give a fuck…
NEW YORK — Local crust punk Phil “Rat Face” Howland took creative measures last week to turn his uneven beard into a stronger representation of…
HEAVEN — St. Peter spent the afternoon guiding Anthony Bourdain through the rough-and-tumble part of Heaven where the best food trucks can be found, noting…













