CHICAGO — Guitarist and exhausted activist Tom Morello faxed in his protest of the Democratic National Convention report disappointed political activists and Rage Against the…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Self-professed 36-year-old “film connoisseur” Bobby Colina’s bad day was salvaged by an accidental Good Samaritan calling him a hipster, sources report. “To…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored drinks despite the fact his…
Someone has to say it: Dan Schneider is a piece of shit. He has recently faced significant media coverage and scrutiny over allegations of inappropriate…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local new age lifestyle hippie Moon Sage was forced to reconsider his family’s eating habits after learning the placenta he’s currently eating…
CHICAGO — President Biden gave an emotional keynote address on the first night of the Democratic National Convention where he fought back tears talking about…
Military families were once a cornerstone of Trump’s base, but lately it seems like he can’t stop striking out with the once loyal demographic. First,…
One of the main core tenets of punk is the ability to impress others with the knowledge of iconic albums from the genre. But then…
CHICAGO — Party officials running the Democratic National Convention in Chicago asked for increased security after they learned Dave Matthews returned to Chicago with his…
Hello, my name is J.D. Vance, and I am running for Vice President of these United States, but that’s not what I’m here to talk…
It’s a new week filled with new trends and recently rediscovered ways to overuse outdated terminology in an effort to appear intelligent on the internet.…
You rebel, you. Doing your thing in the sun. Blithely walking through life undisturbed. Tossing your hair without care. Sounds like you’re having a “brat…
You can’t tell me you haven’t wanted to grab a handful, shake it around in your palm, and toss it in your mouth like a…
WHEELING, W. Va. — Local conservative Jerry Wardmore repeatedly stated that Vice President Kamala Harris’ proposed ban on grocery price-gouging is “downright communist” despite complaining…
You know, folks, there’s a question that keeps me up at night, and I think it’s time we all start asking it out loud. What…