Greetings, fellow survivor. We’ve decided to cut our losses and seal ourselves underground with some canned meats and all of our vinyl records to outlast…
Another summer is ending. Soon the leaves will change color and our outside plants will die. We’ll be reminded of our mortality, and mourn the…
NASHVILLE — Pop megastar Taylor Swift announced her upcoming wedding tour will be a sprawling 151-date, 5-continent celebration and will prominently feature her fiancé Travis…
Every day, dozens upon dozens of songs are released into the ether, hoping to land upon welcoming ears and open hearts. Though none of them…
“That Kind of Music Sounds All The Same,” Says Fucking Genius Friend Who Figured Out How Genres Work
“That Kind of Music Sounds All The Same,” Says Fucking Genius Friend Who Figured Out How Genres Work
UPPER ARLINGTON, Ohio — Local fucking genius music critic Sam Buchman recently made very poignant critiques of all of their friends music tastes after pointing…
ENUMCLAW, Wash. — Local Christian rock band Trust Fall revealed that they are waiting until marriage to write any songs related to sexual intercourse, confirmed…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Veteran rock mainstays Ironsides officially entered the phase of their career where they tour with an orchestra, unenthused sources who hoped this…
There’s a new kid in town. 3I/ATLAS – an interstellar object that many ‘scientists’ are calling a ‘comet’ – has just recently entered our galactic…
Another week has come and gone and we are no better for it. In fact, some would argue we are far worse. Luckily we are…
It’s been another week filled with unimaginable horrors and harrowing viral moments. You’re probably overwhelmed and wondering which thing you should be paying attention to.…
Now that the fireworks are over and you’ve had your fill of glizzies or whatever the hell we’re supposed to call them now, you’re probably…
AKRON, Ohio — Attendees at Hamster Death Method’s latest concert felt overwhelmingly “whoo,” per an impromptu survey conducted by the band’s singer, confirmed sources. “I…
It’s been another week filled with devastating heat, threats of World War III, and even worse, a new Benson Boone album. You might be wondering…
It’s been another week filled with the simultaneous loss of musical legends and our collective faith in humanity. They say music heals all, but lately…
The unofficial award season began this week with the highly anticipated 2025 edition of the American Music Awards. Because we’re so cool and edgy, we…