Each week, The Hard Times takes a trip to the past to review a classic album. This time around we take a look at Poison…
Review: Counterparts “A Eulogy for Those Still Here”
Canadian hardcore band Counterparts are back with a new studio album titled “A Eulogy for Those Still Here” which will be released through Pure Noise…
10-Second Movie Quote in Song Doing 90 Percent of the Work
WILLIMANTIC, Conn. — Local emo band Fastpitch Baseball has reportedly gotten lazy during the recording of their new album and started using movie clips in…
Body-Inclusive Clothing Line Features Models with Blown-Out Lobes
LOS ANGELES – Rising Millennial and Gen Z clothing brand Figure Four is dedicated to featuring models of all sizes, skin tones, and even some…
Review: Converge “Bloodmoon: I”
Each week, The Hard Times takes some time out of its busy schedule of eating chips and dropping pretzels to review an album. This week,…
Ex-Screamo Frontman Reminded Not To Put Entire Headset In Mouth During Zoom Meeting
KETTERING, Ohio — Ex-Screamo Frontman Buster Krull was once again reminded that he did not have to lodge his entire headset into his mouth to…
YORBA LINDA, Calif. — Sony Music Group announced the acquisition of all recorded works and songwriting property of metalcore outfit Atreyu in a staggering deal…
George Constanza Pretends to Be in Architects
NEW YORK — Local unemployed man George Costanza attempted to impress colleagues by pretending to be a member of metalcore band Architects while out to…
Ghost of Christmas Past Shows Man His Faux Hawk Phase
SOUTH BEND, Ind. – Notorious asshole Bill Finley was kidnapped in the middle of the night by a disembodied paranormal entity and taken on an…
Nice! One Guitar Is Doing the Chugging Part and One Is Doing the High Pitch Riff Thing!
Aw hells yeah! That thing I love about metalcore is happening again! It started off with a couple light strums to get me all primed…
Hundreds of Metalcore Bands Scatter When Attendant Shines Flashlight Into Abandoned Industrial Building
LANCASTER, Pa. — Hundreds of metalcore bands were seen scurrying off in different directions in a local factory late yesterday evening after night watchman Bill…
Warped Tour Accused of Luring Teen Girls to Field and Performing Horrible Acts in Front of Them
SANTA FE SPRINGS, Calif. — Hundreds of concertgoers came forward this week, accusing the famed Warped Tour festival of enticing them to a litter-strewn field…
Dad’s Band Still on PureVolume
MARLBORO, N.J. — Siblings Liam and Jenna Fry were stunned last night to find that their father’s old band, A Jet Black Static, still had…
Metalcore Band Could Become SoundCloud Rappers at Any Moment
CINCINNATI — Metalcore stalwarts Agony of Death are closing in on a band agreement that could lead to their first foray into SoundCloud rap, according…
Killswitch Engage Guitarist Wins Better Band on The Price is Right
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — After being called down to the contestant’s row, Killswitch Engage guitarist Adam Dutkiewicz won big during yesterday’s episode of The Price is…