CHICAGO — Local metalhead and avid drinker Stephen Mullins realized he needs to donate increasingly larger amounts of blood and plasma just to achieve the…
Every Chelsea Wolfe Album Ranked Worst to Best
Chelsea Wolfe is every Metalhead’s favorite metal-adjacent singer-songwriter. After a false start in the 2000s, Chelsea Wolfe hit the scene in 2010 with “The Grime…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Heavy metal fan and the lone adult female in the local metal scene, Kara Morgan, unintentionally became a maternal figure to nearly…
Every Chimaira Album Ranked Worst to Best
Chimaira is a metal band from Cleveland founded by Mark Hunter, a vocalist and lyricist who never met a first-draft rhyme he didn’t run with…
Aging Metalhead Mistakenly Thinks He Can Still Fit in Wedding Battle Vest
PITTSBURGH – Aging metalhead Derek Vance made the mistake of trying to slip into his wedding battle vest to celebrate his 25 year anniversary with…
Fantasy Metal Show’s Coat Check Consists Primarily of Capes
LANSING, Mich. — The coat check at the Iron Smelt Theatre was filled almost exclusively with capes during fantasy metal legends Polarian Amulet show, event…
Sitcom dads typically run the gambit between borderline abusive and trying way too hard to be cool. There seems to be very little middle ground.…
Black Metal Musician Mortified That Coworkers Enjoyed His Music
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local black metal artist Aortic Burst was humiliated yesterday when his coworkers listened to, and subsequently legitimately loved, his music, well-meaning sources…
Every Sigh Album Ranked Worst to Best
Imagine if The Muppets made a metal band. And not like the type of “metal” that your brother-in-law likes. Good metal. METAL metal. And when…
Every Pelican Album Ranked Worst to Best
Flying in from Chicago, Illinois, Pelican are best known for their celestial, dark vibes and heavy, doomy instrumental soundscapes with riffs fit for kings. Unlike…
HOUSTON — Merch guy for the heavy metal band Beast of Damocles Eric Jennie provides an extra service for any customers who want the sleeves…
20 Metal Albums Old Enough To Die for Their Country but Still Can’t Buy a Beer
2004 was a totally normal time where nothing weird ever happened. Donald Trump wasn’t a threat to democracy, Iraq was liberated thanks to America’s heroic…
DETROIT — Little Caesars Arena DJ Richard King is waiting for the perfect moment to play “Welcome to the Jungle” during a Detroit Red Wings…
Ghost Plays Show With Hotel Wastebaskets Over Heads After Luggage Containing Masks Gets Lost at Airport
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Occult rockers Ghost performed their entire show with wastebaskets from a local Marriott on their heads after TSA lost their trademark masks…
Every Death Album Ranked Worst to Best
Death metal is only called death metal because it sounds like the kind of metal Chuck Schuldiner invented (at an age when most of us…