John Adkins
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ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local man Bart Carlsen is positive the $40 band tee he’s receiving in the mail today…
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Tim Sheard
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ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local teenage punk Mathias Schuler is teetering between the kind of punk that makes a positive impact…
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Sidney Conant
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DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local Submissive Seventh fan and total dweeb Derek Maldonado reportedly threw away any remaining ounce of self-respect…
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Doug Kolic
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MESA, Ariz. — A local man, described by everyone who knows him as an unambitious, directionless complete loser, is reportedly…
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Steve Packosky
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HOUSTON — Local conservative Kyle Edwards found himself hoping female-centric music festival Lilith Fair is revived so he can complain…
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Vincent J Ives
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WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Local Confederate LARPer Dale McKagney was known around town as a loser in his everyday life which…
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Joe Rumrill
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WEST HARTFORD, Conn. — Disturbed onlookers rolled their eyes as local bozo Sturgill Lacey clearly envisioned himself in an opening…
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Chris Bowen
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NEW YORK — Total loser Jay Draboll plans to spend his entire New Year’s Eve partying with friends in what…
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Are you ready to be devastated by the ravages of time? I mean just completely gutted, like looking at the…
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Joe Rumrill
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NEW YORK — Local 36-year-old loser Ryan Buttermyer reportedly maintained a heroic ten-minute wait period before confirming he’d be at…
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