OAKLAND, Calif. — Local thrash metal fan Zack Holloway reportedly plays doom metal records at 78 RPM in a desperate attempt to make them sound…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump directed his soon-to-be Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon, to immediately shut down the predominantly black school from the TV show…
If you read the news like me, it’s easy to stress about the future. The rich get richer and the poor are getting poorer. Fascist,…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local death metal band Sinister Descent unveiled a brand new logo after bassist Saul Cohen had the presence of mind to photograph…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local curmudgeon John McCallister loudly revealed that he believed wheelchair ramps are woke, despite once being capable of love and empathy as…
As I write this from a jail cell for accidental tax evasion, I know one thing is certain: the world of finances remains a great…
LONDON — Legendary British metal band Iron Maiden found themselves writing a song about the British Credit Crisis of 1772 after discovering they had already…
PITTSBURGH, Pa. — An employee at a local dive bar and eatery, Rock Room, shocked co-workers and customers alike after revealing he holds a food…
8 Other Songs Natalie Portman Said Would Change My Life but Ended Up Just Being Indie Rock From 2004
8 Other Songs Natalie Portman Said Would Change My Life but Ended Up Just Being Indie Rock From 2004
There I was in the neurologist’s office waiting room, sitting next to Natalie Portman. I couldn’t believe it! She was even more beautiful in person…
ATLANTA — Authorities were called to the State Farm Arena this evening to respond to what eyewitnesses report as a twirling session at a Stevie…
LOS ANGELES — Director and grizzled high school shop teacher look-alike Mel Gibson announced this week that his next project, “The Truth,” will be a…
I used to be consumed by anger and shame whenever I made mistakes, all the while giving others the benefit of the doubt. What a…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 42-year-old punk Chet Roberts, who has spent the last 27 years living day-to-day in suspended teenage animation, isn’t sure what he…
BROWNSVILLE, Texas — SpaceX announced they will no longer be allowing school teachers on their spaceships following the second explosion of a Starship mega rocket…
WATERVILLE, Maine — Local music venue Reggie’s reportedly collapsed after a wall of death during an Avulsed concert turned out to be load-bearing, sources report.…