PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to have been filled with nothing…
With so many dubious reports and “studies” flooding our news channels and social media, it is damn near impossible to reach a consensus on anything.…
SAN FRANCISCO — Pop punk archaeologists uncovered shocking evidence that ancient Green Day fans boiled captives alive inside of hollow bronze statues of Tré Cool,…
BOSTON — Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology determined that billionaire and father of 13 Elon Musk is statistically three to four children away…
Not to sound like a bitter old man but things truly were better back in the halcyon days of the 90’s, rose colored glasses be…
SAN DIEGO — A local group of five CSU San Marcos English majors formed a remedial math rock band to bone up on their algebra…
BOSTON — Dropkick Murphys bagpipe player Campbell Webster was seen frantically Googling “puke bagpipes clean help Boston,” confirmed sources who gave him a “good luck…
Experts say taking care of your mental health is one of the most important things you can do. That’s why this year I finally decided…
WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Local Confederate LARPer Dale McKagney was known around town as a loser in his everyday life which coincided with his role-playing life,…
I get that everyone else is super excited about Bon Iver’s new album of melancholy love songs, but, buddy, I cannot wait for that creep…
ATLANTA — Local battle rapper Slim Todd Paulson was apparently surprised that so many of his opponents in a recent competition slept with his mother,…
We’ve listened to a lot of AI-generated songs in our time, and let’s be honest, it’s been laughably bad. To think, we’ve been so worried…
COLTS NECK, N.J. — The grandchildren of legendary musical artist Bruce Springsteen are reportedly exhausted after being serenaded with a soul-scorching series of lullabies that…
DULUTH, Minn. — The massive tech billionaire-run oligarchy suffered a devastating blow today as local account coordinator and frisbee golf enthusiast, Michael Murray, created an…
Look, I know I’m not perfect. Me and my boys, we got a reputation for getting a little riled up at times. Maybe we could…