Last night, I was visited by a punk rock god by the name of Johnny Ramone. Well, not exactly visited by him in person, because…
TYLER, Texas. — Local hardcore band Crate Full of Saws recently alarmed audience members when, in the middle of an unfocused and seemingly endless speech,…
SPOKANE, Wash. — Local Gen Alpha teen Angelina Stephenson was shocked and appalled to learn that famed commercial actor Snoop Dogg was not only not…
If you’re like me you probably stay up all hours of the night tossing and turning while trying to stop your brain from remembering an…
BOULDER, Colo. – Local man Rozco Ambo admitted he was concerned that the entire crowd watched him completely botch his air drumming routine during a…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Invisible Gravity Cannabis Dispensary recently announced it will host throwback night where patrons can relive the days of splitting a fat…
The concept of the family unit has changed drastically for millennials like me in that I cannot afford to start one of my own, which…
NEW YORK — Frontman of award-winning Heavy Metal band Xanstärr, Joey Blakkburn, says that he and the rest of the band hope to land a…
Is there anything more boring than a funeral? You might as well get shitfaced while respectfully expressing your condolences. Thanks to your shitty genes, family…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — A mass shooting that left one dead and at least 30 others injured at the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl Parade,…
The other day, I was watching some documentary while waiting for a video game to download, and I heard a guy say something like, “Jazz…
GLASGOW — An outdoor Belle & Sebastian show abruptly ended in tragedy after a sudden light breeze sent several fans flying hundreds of feet into…
MONTEREY, Calif. — Recently retired father Fred Maligno has set up a 360-degree investigation into the car that mysteriously appeared parked in front of his…
I was on this date with this incredible man, Connor. Not only was he charming and personable, he is also a doctor and volunteers at…
Newburgh, N.Y. — Kirsten Emery, guitarist in local punk band Feral Insurgence and vocal critic of Valentine’s Day, curiously embraced the “sham” holiday now that…