PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. — Punxsutawney Phil, he world’s most famous groundhog, admitted he did not see his shadow which is expected to usher in early spring,…
Our Uncle Hewlit was never the brightest bulb in the box. He’s the sort of guy who is highly susceptible to conspiracy theories like QAnon,…
WASHINGTON — The world-renowned Smithsonian Institute announced the giant rear-end props used by Sir Mix-a-Lot in the famous “Baby Got Back” music video came into…
I’d never considered myself a hero until I was staring down the prison industrial complex and made the law relent, all it took was unwavering…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — A hot new startup company just launched a revolutionary weather app for aging punks that lets you know if it’s cold…
So you sold out and got yourself a little corporate job selling insurance. Congrats! However, in order to sell insurance and actually support yourself with…
MORGANTOWN, W. Va. — Local dad and all-around asshole Bert Smilovic failed to understand criticism of his storytelling techniques which involve reducing all people to…
Some guys play it nice, others play it cool. Some take their time with a girl, and others are downright old-fashioned. Me? I don’t waste…
WRENTHAM, Mass. — Proud death metal fan parents Danica and Brandon Asheim were so excited about their five-year-old son’s first attempt at drawing a horrific…
BRIGHTON, N.J. — Local medical marvel Rex Reynolds was reportedly born with a rare condition that made him a fan of rockabilly culture from birth,…
I’m usually a pretty laid-back guy and take things as they come, but it’s tough putting trust in my new Otolaryngologist. While I was doing…
LOS ANGELES – 26-year-old punk Max Goldstein unfortunately sustained an injury in a mosh pit immediately after being kicked off his parents’ insurance plan, concerned…
FREMONT, Calif — Neuralink owner Elon Musk announced Neuralink Premium which will allow anyone using his implantable brain–computer interfaces to maintain basic bodily functions for…
KERFUFFLEVILLE — Bozo, a punk mouse living in the fictional children’s book town of Kerfuffleville, has reportedly taken up residence in a Marlboro Red carton,…
They say that home is where you make it, and when I found out that my favorite hometown watering hole was replaced with a Panera…