I was hoping for a quiet weekend. Watering plants near the window, I noticed my neighbor outside, clutching his chest. It’s a heart attack and…
NEWARK, N.J. – Local officials are responding to reports of crowds sprinting towards their lovers through Newark Airport as Frou Frou’s “Let Go” plays over…
For decades sibling rivalry has been the core of legendary British rock band Oasis. Due to their multiple extended hiatuses, I think it is time…
SACRAMENTO, Calif — Several Attendees of the Montgomery High School Class of ‘03 Reunion were left baffled when the night suddenly turned into a collection…
STONINGTON, Conn. — Local man Eddie Walker was rushed to a hospital in critical condition after accidentally laying his head on a pillow with a…
My girlfriend and I have gotten into some pretty freaky stuff lately. In the past, we’ve tried bondage, hair-pulling, and name-calling, but all of that…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local groom and longtime guitarist Parker Anderson gazed longingly at the wedding band guitarist’s illustrious pedal board during the first dance with his…
You know, it’s hard being an administrative assistant at the 7th most successful personal injury law firm in the larger Madison, Wisconsin metropolitan area. You…
SAN MATEO, Calif. — Multimedia tech CEO, Peter Avakian, held a mandatory all-hands meeting to ensure every employee was present for an iPhone slideshow from…
The truth is, if you’ve escaped twenty-seven club membership, your chances of aging out of the scene increase exponentially with every year. And it’s a…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Marcus Ulrich, the lead singer of local thrash metal band Christknuckle, was reportedly spotted at Walgreens asking employees which black hair dye…
Another year has begun, just like the year before it, and sadly, the year before that one. While many take the completion of another set…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Dan Stanford was accused of derailing date night at an upscale restaurant after he spent most of the evening gazing longingly…
Meet Ashley Hightower, a 28 year-old-college graduate from an upper-middle-class family. Like a lot of us, she has severe anxiety, but she manages that with…
LOS ANGELES — Local self-described “elder emo” Jasper Berkeley, 37, turned down the volume to his car stereo playing Taking Back Sunday’s 2002 classic “Cute…