Steve Packosky
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Black metal guitarist Caleb “Grimfeast” Rajdkowski pledged his eternal soul to Jesus Christ in a bargain to…
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Steve Packosky
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HEAVEN — Brock Sterling, a recently deceased metalhead and supposed fan of legendary death metal band Deicide, found himself inexplicably…
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Steve Packosky
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LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter Belinda Carlisle officially retracted the eponymous claim of her 1987 hit “Heaven Is a Place on…
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Steve Packosky
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We all know the rules: try your hardest to be a good person and spend your life committing honorable deeds…
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Travis Tack
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PEARLY GATES — Legendary musician, producer, and music journalist Steve Albini spent the first few moments of his afterlife ranting…
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Adam Frost-Venrick
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Good morrow, fellows. My name is Piteousness Baille. I am, this year, celebrating my 106th birthday. I am one of…
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Nathan Kamal
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Dogs aren't just man's best friend: canines are the Almighty's most favored species by a goddamn mile. Alone among all…
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Dustin Meadows
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I came to Vatican City to pay my respects to the all-time metal God, Ronnie James Dio, and I expected…
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HEAVEN — Local divine and benevolent deity, God, updated His LinkedIn profile yesterday, changing His title to Content Creation Ninja…
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Charles Bill
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NEW YORK — A shocking new fan theory posited by every single Redditor last week claims that your favorite fictional…
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