WASHINGTON — Members of the GOP claimed that the opening lyrics to the Misfits’ song “Last Caress” was proof that people abort babies post-birth, confirmed…
INDIO, Calif. — Coachella attendee Kayle Cooper breathed a sigh of relief after discovering the Native American headdress she was going to purchase to wear…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made the bold claim that his economy is “hugely much stronger” than that of the administration of about 10 minutes…
Even though the stock markets are in chaos and the economy seems on the brink of complete collapse, thanks to our society’s gradual but persistent…
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — Local guitarist and noted pushover Jackson Ermine revealed his customary pre-show ritual consisted of letting everyone he invited know that it’s…
WASHINGTON — As a flurry of new US tariffs continued to shake the world economy, President Trump announced the only place unaffected by his new…
Hey there! How ya holding up? Can we get you anything? A drink? A full frontal lobotomy? Oh. You’re ‘good’? Fair enough. The least we…
Just when you thought international relations couldn’t get any sweeter, we’ve got a story of one long-term pals really showing up for another—the US and…
SAN FRANCISCO — Developers behind the encrypted messaging app Signal updated their terms of service to forbid users from organizing and executing targeted military strikes,…
What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a… sorry. With all the news lately, we’ve…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local hardcore entrepreneur Jeremiah Tiff aimed to open up a second pit after the successful launch of his first one, confirmed sources…
WASHINGTON — Donald Trump announced that he would be meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin to discuss a number of international policies for his 90-day…
LOWELL, Mass. — Local boozehound Dennis McLaughlin was divinely inspired to continue to drink to the point of incoherence after witnessing an image of former…
WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Local Confederate LARPer Dale McKagney was known around town as a loser in his everyday life which coincided with his role-playing life,…
We’ve made it through yet another week with at least some semblance of sanity left. To ensure you burn off that extra little bit while…