RICHFIELD, Minn. — Foot traffic at a local Walmart store has dropped off significantly after one of its greeters, unapologetic punk Steve McKenzie, has turned…
PROVIDENCE, R.I — Local crust punk Phil “Sponge” Baker is planning on participating in today’s economic blackout by vowing to only use his parents’ credit…
NEW YORK — Local crustie Joel McCaffrey was seen excitedly planning a romantic Valentine’s Day evening for his partner by leaving a trail of loose…
UTICA, N.Y. — VFW Post 226 held an emergency fish fry in an attempt to relieve it from the stench that lingered from the punk…
THE LABYRINTH — Residents of a crust punk house were seemingly unaware that they were inhabiting the Cenobite dimension, terrified sources confirmed. “I woke up…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — A new report out of Stanford University reported that 70% of the average punk’s hydration is sourced from the melted ice…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — The group of gutter punks that loiters near 5th and Huron employs many invented terms for states of impoverishment, sources hurrying…
SAEGERTOWN, Pa. — Local punk Brian McFee assured everyone that his newfound wealth would have no impact on his worldview after winning $50 in a…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local mother Martha Browning grew concerned for her crust punk son after hearing rumors circulating that some trick-or-treaters may find candy mixed…
PITTSBURGH – Local crust punk Eric Gorski reportedly entered the stage of his life in which he only listens to Hank Williams, sources report. “Yeah,…
For decades now, the dumpster witch has been known for being spotted at iconic locations like Winkie’s Diner, recurring nightmares, and some of the best…
SAN FRANCISCO — A group of amateur ghost hunters recently declared they’ve captured evidence of paranormal activity in an abandoned Denny’s, claiming that the restless…
FIJI — A lifelong punk rock devotee in the middle of his tenure on this season’s “Survivor” repeatedly attempted to vote out Ronald Reagan at…
LOS ANGELES — Crust punk Tim “Ransom” Rollins has reportedly started acting annoyingly sanctimonious ever since he moved into an abandoned Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, friends…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local Crust Punk Jonas “Spleege” Johnson was recently released from county jail after explaining to authorities he was only siphoning that gas…