John Danek
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FREDERICK, Md. — Longtime punk band Booger Eater realized yesterday that it’s been over 10 months since they occupied a…
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Patrick Crooks
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WASHINGTON — Congressional attempts to pass a COVID-19 stimulus bill once again reached an impasse yesterday after Congressman Matt Gaetz…
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Kevin Tit
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LONDON — Elderly miser Ebenezer Scrooge is recovering in his palatial estate today after being exposed to COVID-19 following a…
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Steve Esparra
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WASHINGTON — President Trump added a new addendum to the COVID-19 relief bill passed by Congress yesterday, prohibiting American women…
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Lana Schwartz
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PITTSBURGH — Your ex-boyfriend Jake Doherty’s new girlfriend, Sara Michaels, will receive the vaccine for the novel coronavirus before you,…
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Rob Walker
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DENVER — Local woman Stephanie Robbins admitted today she now wishes she hadn't already used the “deadly pandemic” excuse to…
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Krissy Howard
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ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to…
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Salim Alam
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PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. -— Former Vice President Dan Quayle has reportedly contracted the novel Coronavirus “COVIDE-19,” according to Quayle’s medical…
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Anna Walsh
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WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being…
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Stephen Bell
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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — The coronavirus, the cause of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over one million people…
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