Dustin Meadows
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Let’s get something straight, you fucking posers. I’m not some goddamn weekend warrior; I’m in this for the long haul.…
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Eric Navarro
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ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Following a barrage of terrible band name ideas from one member in particular, an unnamed local…
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Graham Isador
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NEW HAVEN, Conn. – Researchers at Yale University found that the average hardcore frontman will be betrayed 612 times before…
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Dan Kozuh
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DECATUR, Ga. — Beth and William Conden were surprised to discover last week that the touring punk band they are…
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Krissy Howard
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BROOKLYN — Post-punk band T.F.U. has listed the empty space in front of the stage for rent on Craigslist as…
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Stacey Beretta
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SAN DIEGO — Completely unknown punk band the Ass Blasters ended their underwhelming 30-year career to absolutely no fanfare, according…
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CLEVELAND — Local music store employee Sammy Howard takes every opportunity to inform customers that his band was “this fuckin'…
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CHICAGO — Singer/guitarist of political punk band Numb Chomsky and Global Political Systems Ph.D. candidate Miles “The Throat” Fitzsimmons realized…
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PHILADELPHIA — Local punk band Eleanor Rugby are now able to perform spin attacks and wear upgraded armor following a…
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DUNWOODY, Ga. — Local goth Gordon Fletcher was reportedly unamused by a coworker’s recent observation that he looks like someone…
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