Press "Enter" to skip to content

Review: Citizen “Youth”

This week we’ve decided to take ourselves a gander at Michigan and Ohio’s own Citizen and their debut album “Youth.” We figured who better to expose an LP named “Youth” to than a cafeteria full of senior citizens at the nursing home a short drive from our headquarters. We did just that, and here’s what they thought:

Herman Kleinschmidt, age 91: “Why, I haven’t heard a voice this full of pith and vinegar since Maurice Chevalier belted out ‘Auld Lang Syne’ on top of the Sears Tower to ring in 1945!”

Glenda Rupp-Simmons, age 79: “Oh, dear, I can’t hear anything without my doohickey turned up. And I simply just don’t want to turn it up, you see?”

Ronald Wrillingsly, age 80: “(unintelligible muttering, but to be fair, he seemed like he was searching for his dentures.)”

Ethel Jane Manillawicz, age 98: “I mean, I don’t usually go for post-hardcore, emo-y stuff like this, but I saw them at Riot Fest the year this came out and they were actually pretty solid. Great stuff to skate to, trust me.”

Herman Kleinschmidt, age 91: “Hey, what’s the big idea walking away from me like that? I got more to say on that night I saw Chevalier! Why, there was nary a dry eye in all the Windy City that New Year’s Eve.”

Chad Lazenby, age 14: “Please, please, PLEASE don’t tell the staff here my real age. It was either run away to this place, and wrinkle up my face every morning, or join the circus…and have you ever actually tried to join a circus? These days you have to have a damn PHD in juggling before they even talk to you!”

Ronald Wrillingsly, age 80: “Ah, got my teeth in, snug as a bug in a rug. Now, where was I…oh yes, (blows big, performative raspberry)”

Herman Kleinschmidt, age 92: “Hey look at that, it’s my birthday! I almost forgot! Anyhow, what’s that? Maurice Chevalier?? Never heard of him!”

Francine Vivaldi, age 95: “Psst, hey kid! If I pretend to keel over dead, will you drag me out of here and I can make my getaway? It’s the perfect crime, c’mon.”

After that, we got a little freaked out and left. Boy, the lengths we’ll go for free pudding!

Score: Every last one of them dozed off before we could ask. It was wild.