Congratulations! You’ve made it through another week of wildly conflicting information and malaise. You probably don’t deserve a break, but you should take one anyway.…
MAGA Influencer Volunteers to Spend Two Months In El Salvadoran Mega-Prison to Prove It’s Not So Bad
MAGA Influencer Volunteers to Spend Two Months In El Salvadoran Mega-Prison to Prove It’s Not So Bad
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Popular conservative influencer Jake Fowler intends to “own the libs” by spending two months in a notorious El Salvadoran prison to prove…
Let me make one thing perfectly clear right off the bat: I love Pantera. Their particular brand of in-your-face, street-wise heavy metal served me well…
WASHINGTON — Members of the GOP claimed that the opening lyrics to the Misfits’ song “Last Caress” was proof that people abort babies post-birth, confirmed…
INDIO, Calif. — Coachella attendee Kayle Cooper breathed a sigh of relief after discovering the Native American headdress she was going to purchase to wear…
COLUMBIA, Mo. — Punk Charlie Morewin debated whether he should barely learn to play or become a virtuoso upon picking up the bass guitar, sources…
Bro, listen to me. I know you weren’t even gonna come out tonight. Long week. Rent’s late. Life is a fucking joke. But none of…
POTTSTOWN, Pa. — Sarah and Luke Fleming opted to have a child to serve to exempt them from attending any more game nights, according to…
CALGARY, Alberta — A dog cohabitating with some local punks announced that he’s fed up with constantly being falsely accused of vomiting inside the house,…
So you’ve found yourself at a Desolated show, and you want to be certain that nobody other than you gets to enjoy the performance. What’s…
WASHINGTON — President Trump announced a new program to help boost ICE enlistment numbers by promising to forgive any debt incurred by delinquent child support…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made the bold claim that his economy is “hugely much stronger” than that of the administration of about 10 minutes…
NEWARK, N.J. — Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Agent Gary Morton decided to change his morally reprehensible ways and lead an upstanding life after a…
Man domesticated dogs nearly 15,000 years ago, and astonishingly, there are now 400 distinct dog breeds. Even more astonishing is that no one thought to…
EL SOBRANTE, Calif. — Founding Primus member Les Claypool finally reached a level of competence that will allow him to stop playing bass and switch…